just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
