Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize