You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
