I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
