Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
