my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
