Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
