Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
