so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
