A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
