So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
