i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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