peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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