Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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