its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
