where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
