i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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