She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
