Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
