and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
