we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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