i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
