How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
