She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
