You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
