is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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