ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
