Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize