I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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