dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
