What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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