my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
