Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize