That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
