I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
