can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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