You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
