Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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