I hate all girls vehemently.
only if we run a train.
done.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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