Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
