My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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