i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
