M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
