finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
