Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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