my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
