Someone shit on the floor
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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