Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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