Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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