Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
