I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
