Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
