I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
