I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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