I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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