I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
