And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wear drunk well.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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