Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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