Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
