I am puke
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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