What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
worst night to have a conscience
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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