im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize