If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
