I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
