It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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