she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Come on in and take your pants off
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