I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
