he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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