Will you blow on my dice?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
