Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
