he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
zippers are such a cool invention
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
