I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
