Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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