im drinking this country out of the recession.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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